Today physics jokes

The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'. A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

 

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Bohr moved in atomic circles while Schrodinger waved and Heisenberg
hesitated.

 

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One day a physics professor was discussing a complicated
concept. A pre-medical student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have
to learn this pointless topic."

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the
lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does
physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the
professor.

 

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Question: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty Therapist?

Answer: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's constant as a foundation, whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor.

 

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Question: What is horsepower?

Answer: The power it takes to drag a horse a given distance in a given amount of time.

 

 

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Important Task: To change a bulb
Question: How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Ten; one to change the bulb and nine to theory about how to change it.

Question: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:  They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.

Question: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:  None, astronomers prefer the dark.

 

 

Girls: if an annoying boy is trying to chat you up say: "U knows what.....you have a magnetic personality" (I bet he smiles), now say: "you repel me!"

Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.

One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, why you are outstanding! Please income.

 

 

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Pledge to make India 100% educated country.

There are so many woes about the education system back home. While I have not found the education system here to be necessarily better, it is definitely prioritized higher. The school system leading up to college is extremely competitive. You may think that the system in the US is competitive as well, but this is truly on a different level. Nearly all school children take tuitions (essentially extra classes after school) throughout their elementary and high school years in order to keep up. Kids are routinely held back to repeat a year, and many don’t make it through the system at all, and (for that or financial reasons) go on to menial labor jobs.
In the school system here, all of the grades are based on tests, and the test scores follow you on your record starting in the 10th grade. Not too dissimilar to the US, but unlike the US, the job market is largely based on your scores from school and standardized tests (Not just overall GPA, but employers actually look at class grades), so there is never really any reset button for a bad semester.
Possibly because of the importance of grades, educational scores are held in common conversation as a way of defining yourself. As an outsider without common test scores to compare, I’m routinely judged based on my past work at Microsoft, a much lauded employer that all Indians seem to hold as a holy grail. Others include educational institutions like the Indian Institution of Technology (IIT) and the Indian Institution of Management (IIM) and most any school of Medicine. All have exceedingly tough entrance parameters, and allow far less than 1% of applicants.
In the US, we define ourselves by our careers (”So, what do you do?”), our possessions (”He drives a Ferrari!”), and our hobbies (”He’s a rock climber.”), among other things. This exists here as well except maybe defining by hobbies. However, I’m consistently shocked by how often test scores come up. Possibly because they are often considered inappropriate topics of conversation in the US. (Of your group of friends, how many of their SAT scores do you know?)
A cousin of mine scored exceedingly well on an entrance exam to a post-grad program a few years back. Since initially hearing this a couple weeks back, I’ve been in contact with many family and friends who know him. I have not been in a single discussion that contained his name and did not contain his exact percentage score on the test. Interestingly, none of these discussions was he present for, nor has the topic come up directly with him.
I’m not yet sure how I feel about how education permeates the culture in this way. On one hand, it seems rather crude to compare people openly in such a black and white way. However, it does keep education at the top of everyone’s priority, which can only help India, as a whole.